Over the Top

I think I can honestly say that fighting the beast is not working at this time. I am fighting the beast in that I am getting out of bed each morning. I am going to work every day. I am feeding my kids each day and amazingly, I have managed to do a couple of loads of laundry as well. Last night, Ryan, LaRae and I went and got a facial. From the outside, I am still a contributing human being. Inside is another matter all together. I am a mass of raging, writhing, seething, mishmash of all things unhappy. Imagine all the emotions in the movies Ransom, In Love and War, The Patriot, The Green Mile, The Deep End of the Ocean, Legends of the Fall, Of Mice and Men and Murder in the First and you may have an inkling of what is going on in there. Note from the author: These emotions are completely understandable and quite cathartic when faced with a child kidnapping, a ruined love affair, a civil war, an unjust murder trial, another child kidnapping, etc, etc but there is nothing like any of these things happening to me this year or even this decade. Therefore, rationally I must come to the conclusion that these emotions are not what I should be waking up to every day.
Needless to say, just because I am getting through the day in no way means I am nice to be around. I mean, porcupines get through the day as well but they still are prickly. And that just makes it worse because my life is good and I am in no position to appreciate it. But one can only bitch about it so long in a blog before even the blogger (me) has to say "Sheesh! Get some pills and stop whining! Enough already!"