What world do you live in?!?

This semester Ryan had a mandatory choir class. Most of her grade was based on a Christmas concert that occurred this last month. I signed up to help out at the rehearsal. The teacher wanted “bouncers” at the doors to stop kids from coming in and interrupting and to help kick kids out that were interfering with his rehearsal. A very good example of negative reinforcement. He kept threatening them with failure from the class if they ruined his program. I was very unimpressed.
There was one other mother there. It turned out that she was the mother of one of Ryan’s pretty good friends, Sharon. I asked her if Sharon was liking 7th grade and getting accustomed to junior high school. She said “Yes, her only real problem is dealing with Ryan and Theresa.”
“What do you mean?” I asked absolutely stumped.
“Ryan and Theresa are her two best friends. But they are always fighting and it is very stressful to her.”
“What?!?” I had never even heard of Theresa. “What are you talking about?”
Sharon’s mother then regaled me with tales of name calling, gossiping, back stabbing, yelling at each other down the halls and even crying. All the tales were told with such detail that I believed her hook, line and sinker. My blood was in my face and I was embarrassed, angry and upset. I was appalled at Ryan’s behavior. And even more surprised.
Yes, I know about the blinders that parents wear but even so, yelling down the hall and name calling across the lunch room was so not the Ryan that I knew. And being the assistant coach of her soccer team for the past 6 years and her church teacher for the past 3 years on top of being her mother and chauffeur I figured that I knew her pretty well. She just didn’t have enough time to have that much of a different life. Still as I said before, I just couldn’t ignore the consistency and the detail of the stories that I was being told. I managed to tell myself that even if it was true, my yelling at her would not change anything. I told myself to calm down a bit. I am truly so much the parent that does not acknowledge that the daughter is her own person now. I want to be in control forever and make sure the daughter does not make any wrong decisions or make any mistakes along the way. I want the daughter to live the life that I wanted to have. Wow. Is this a hard perception to break away from!
I managed to bite it all back until we had dropped off the rest of the kids in the car. Then I said “Tell me about Theresa.”
“Oh, she hates me and I hate her.” This was not a good start.
“Why?”
“I don’t know why she hates me. She always is talking about me to Sharon.”
“Do you talk about her?”
“No.”
“Do you yell at her in the cafeteria?”
“No! I don’t ever even talk to her.”
I told her of the stories that Sharon’s mother shared with me. She was aghast. She denied it most of it. I said “Ryan, where would these stories come from? Either Sharon is lying to her mother or her mother is lying to me or you are lying to me? I think you had better talk to Sharon and find out who is the one here telling lies.”

The next day:
“Did you talk to Sharon?”
“Yes. She said that her mother exaggerates quite a bit.”