High Fructose Corn Syrup

Even though I regard the old adage “You are what you eat” as true, I don’t always treat my body the right way. Well, define the right way. I don’t monitor what I put into my body. I don’t stick with the proteins and the fruits and vegetables. I don’t always stop myself from being swayed by the sugar powered carbohydrates or the brightly colored fats that show up on my kitchen counters. I have, however, stopped drinking soda completely. I have been soda free for the past 3, almost 4 months. Yea for me! I think that my body has been more excited about this than most anything else that I have ever done. I feel less tired. I have lost weight. AND I have stopped having cravings for sugary things at night. Wow! I feel like a testimonial infomercial.
Cravings are evil things. Cravings are illogical, irrational and above all utterly impossible to ignore in most cases. My boss is always lecturing us on the evils of high fructose corn syrup. It is literally in every single thing made by Kraft, Nabisco, Breyers and General Mills. Apparently it contains ingredients that make you feel hungrier (for mostly sugar) than what you really are. And so I have come to believe this due to what is happening in my body. Sugar begets sugar.

Halloween candy and Bart are other evil things. He bought about 7 big bags of candy and they are slowly becoming just big empty bags. Last night I had my first craving for Dairy Queen or soda at about 9 pm that I have had in a long time. I know it is because of the candy bars that I have been partaking in. But do I stop eating the candy? I think you all know the answer.

Help! I am stumped

I am assistant coach for Ryan's soccer team. Her team consists of 16 girls that are 10 to 12 years old. Yesturday I had to coach the practice. I am constantly amazed at how catty and spoiled girls actually can be. And yet I remember my childhood. I have no problem admitting that my gender is the most ugly and the most petty. Yuch! I hated most girls.

And now I get to relive that through my daughter. I may be biased or she may have already been affected living with me and my calling her out on all that bullshit but she is less catty than some OR just less verbal about her cattiness. Thank goodness. But that does not help my relationships with the other girls. I have been primary teacher for the 11/12 year olds for 3 years now and have struggled. Now I have another 16 girls that just make my toes curl sometimes.

"You just took me out because you hate me." (This one just renders me utterly speechless.)

"We have to be on the same team! You have to put us together! We will not separate! Oh, we don't want Jennie on our team. Let her be blue."

"Coach, can I go in now? I will sub in for any player. Please!"
"Ok, go in for Kelsey. She is right back (defense)" "No, I don't want to go in on defense. I won't go in."

And just general talking amongst themselves while Jon (real coach) or I am talking to them. How rude!

Life is just not long enough for all the insignificant traumas that girls make up to make a scene about. However, I know I have 8 more years of this so help me! What should be ignored, what should be absolutely not tolerated and what should be laughed at?

I was talking to this woman at the soccer park who coaches girls volleyball for our High School. She said that she spent more time coaching them how to be friends than how to play the game. And that she actually had parents call her and tell her that she couldn't be mean to their daughters while they were having PMS. She is now coaching boys and she says she will never go back to the dark side.

My weekend

Friday: Did a route in the morning. Arose before the sun and coached the third of Ryan's tournament soccer game at 8 am. Went to work for a couple of hours. (It was my day off.) Chase's Football practice, Bart left for hunting trip, Cooper, Ryan and I went and rented movies Clueless and Batman Begins, watched Clueless with Ryan and Sabina and realized-with horror-that there is a drug scene in the movie where Alicia Silverstone makes it not a big deal to light one up at a Friday night party. Started working on Ryan's integer game for her Algebra class. Theme of the game: Sisterhood of the traveling pants.

Saturday: Arose after the sun. Went to the 4th tournament soccer game. We proceeded to lose the 4th of the four games. Happy days! It is interesting that our girls don't really get bummed out about losing. They just want to play the game. John and I can't decide if this is a good or bad thing. I would like to see a little more intensity about wanting to win but I see so much from parents that I have to be grateful that John is so calm and the girls follow suit. Both Grandmas, Amra, Larae, Lily showed up and then we all drove like the wind to Chase's football game. It was a beautiful day to spend out watching games. The Peterson clan--Ryan, Chase, Cooper and I then went to Chili's for lunch/dinner. Back at home Carla and Larae had set up shop so we watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Cooper's favorite book at this time is "There is the Monster at the End of this Book" Every night we read it. And every night he almost keels over laughing so hard at Grover. (I may have a chance with him liking to read. I can feel it. Fingers crossed.) Bart called and said he had gotten a deer with his big bad black gun so he could come home now.

Sunday: Went to church. Came home and piled all the kids in the car to do a little route collecting from the USA TODAY boxes. Quality time. Cough, cough. We then came back home and had all the Petersons over for making Halloween sugar cookies. Dozens and dozens of black cats, witch's hats, brooms, acorns and yummy tombstones. We got some pretty good frosting colors this year and had a good time decorating. Cooper, of course, decorated his 10 cookies with orange frosting and then completely covered them in a thick layer of orange sugar sprinkles. "Because orange is the favorite color." Every cookie? Every cookie. Singlemindedness to the point of recklessness=Cooper. Had tasty chicken chili. Bart came home. Watched Batman Begin. Liked it a lot.

Ready for the week. Not.

If I get called "dear" one more time by this coworker of mine, I swear I will probably grow fur and sprout horns.

And in the middle of hunting season too. Sheesh!

His and Hers

Well, we did it. I say we because apparently the organ in question is truly the property of us both. I never recieved the certificate of title of the aforementioned organ when I first married the man but at least in the state of Utah I am the property owner. So I don't know what the big deal was with Lorena Bobbitt, that's for sure.

The urologist was very cool. He came in and asked how we were. "Are you ready for this?"

Bart replied quickly, "Oh yes. It's time."

Dr Gange looked at me. "And you?"

"Well, I am here, aren't I?" I had already starting seeping out my eyes in the waiting room. I didn't want to start again. I wasn't quite sure why I was seeping. I think it was finality of it all more than wanting to have another baby.

"Does that mean that you are 100% ready for Bart to do this? Because until you say that to me I won't do the surgery. I can turn around and walk right out of this room and it won't bother me a bit."

"Well, I have 20 more ejaculations to figure out if I want another baby." I explain as he looks at me straight on.

"Not good enough. You two shouldn't be here if there is any chance that you want another baby. I've walked out of the room before. The couple wasn't ready to make this decision and so we didn't do it. It's no big deal."

Bart pipes up, "We already have 3 wonderful and healthy children. We're good."

"The couple that I walked out on had 6 kids already."

I guess I was waiting for lightning to strike, an angel to appear, me to throw up with the anxiety of the decision but nothing happened. Nothing. I was not even seeping. I looked at Bart and knew he had thought this through. Nobody shaves their pubic area without thinking it through beforehand. Oh, the itching. Seriously, I saw no indecision in his eyes. And he is half of this partnership. And for all my rational and logical thinking I know deep in my heart I still have 20 ejaculations left. It has only taken one every other time. IF there is another one that is supposed to come down to our family there is still that opportunity.

So I had to say "No, I am good with this decision. Let's do it."

And then I had to sign the paper with the doctor as a witness stating that I was "allowing" Bart to cut and cauterize the ends of "our" vas deferens. BTW, Bart had to sign it as well.

Strife and Sorrow in the left basement bedroom

I have Bart’s sister in law that lives with us. She has lived with us for 3+ years. In exchange for lodging she tends my children from the time she gets home from her job (2:30 pm) till whenever Bart or I make it home. This year she picks up Cooper from preschool and brings him home and sometimes she drives Chase to karate. Very rarely she will babysit on a weekend but I always ask and it is never an expectation of any sort.
I have no problem with her living at our house. I rather enjoy her. Even though she has made me more tolerant of Bart’s messiness simply by the fact that I can see it is inherent in their family background. Sometimes I am amazed at how few problems we have had. Especially because I am still living with a brother/sister relationship that sometimes regresses.
This last week she came to us and asked if Bart’s cousin who lives up in Moses Lake Washington could come and live with us for the next two month to work and save money. Recently she lost her job and she has not been able to find anything permanent. She is 30+. I have met her several times and really like her. She is just as strong willed as Carla, Bart’s sister, and myself.
I don’t really care. My house is full but hell, “the more, the merrier,” right? And it is family. There is something in me that believes in taking care of family. My only stipulation is that she does limit her stay to 2 months and I am counting on the fact that she will get 1 for sure and possibly 2 jobs to save money and not be around most of the time. You know me, always want to hope for the best.
Bart has decided to have an issue with this proposal. And he has every right. He part owns the house. He lives in the house. He pays the utilities. He has every right. His issues are not mine but they are valid. He is worried about friends, about parties, about what happens in his house when we are all gone. He says he is worried about the extra work that could come about. He just doesn’t want to deal with it.
So he told Carla. He told Carla no, Larae could not live with us for 2 months. Sorry. Here are the reasons and no thanks. That was 6 days ago. Carla has still not talked to either of us since then.

Let me rephrase that. She has not voluntarily spoken to either of us in 6 days. When Bart tried to talk to her about this she yelled at him and hung up on him. They were talking on the phone from one house line to another. I have not talked to her. But this is crazy! So now Larae is still coming and she is going to stay at Carla’s mother’s house where Amra the brain tumor has to move in since she can no longer drive a car and Dacia, the youngest sister and her 4 year old daughter permanently live. Oh, and did I mention that Carla and Bart’s mother lives with somebody for free in exchange for tending their children. So it is not their house either.
I have entered the world of Jerry Springer land……….in my own family. Bart is freaking out and calls me 4 times a day to give me frightful updates. Amra crying into the phone begging him to have Larae live with us instead of her because they hate each other. Promising us her first child. Bart screaming at his mother for not having a backbone and telling Larae she can’t come because her daughter just had brain surgery and needs to come live with her and receive a little special attention for at least 3 more months. Bart threatening to kick Carla out of our house not really understanding (as a man) how much Carla does for our family running my kids around and such. I think Larae will make it into town tomorrow.
Oh, I do not see Thanksgiving as going well this year.

The Book Break is Over

Well, I have returned. Returned from the book break. I finished A Breath of Snow and Ashes last night. And enjoyed it immensely. I sobbed and sobbed and even this morning cried a little. It really isn't that sad. I think that I am just sad that the book is finished. It is her second to last book in the series. You can tell. A lot of loose ends are being tied up. A lot of questions got answered. I just love these people in the book. How pathetic that I love fake people.
I have one more sequel to come out this year. The very last book in the Mitford series is coming out in November. This has been a good year for books! However, it is the last book and I know it will break my heart.
I am still in Pocatello Idaho. And my cell phone bill is gonna be a big one!!

Feast or famine

I am in Pocatello Idaho tonight posting this blog. Remember the staff meeting thought of the day. I was so very right and my Montana coworker is no longer with the company. (And then there were just 5.) Hence, I am working in her old district for the week. (And I think mayhaps there will soon only be 4.)
I have checked myself into the nicest hotel here in Pocatello. Holiday Inn. It has an indoor pool and a 24 hour exercise room. I brought my own body pillow and am still regretting not bringing my flannel sheets, however, I will survive. Friday night I actually went to the store at 11:30 pm just to do something alone for a second. I don't think I have been alone for 3 or 4 weeks with Amra, Carla being on vacation for a week, work and football and soccer going on. Now I am faced with the prospects of a whole week with no family. Hmmmm.........

Always something to pray for

Well, Amra, Bart's sister is doing really well! She is still in the hospital but is out of ICU and is the rehabiliatation unit. They are working on getting all her movement back on her left side. She has gained a lot of more movement in her left arm but her hand is still giving her trouble.
The "experts" still maintain that the stroke came from a combination of factors including her birth control pills that she has been on for about 10 years, dehydration and heredity. Several people have had strokes in Bart's family but most were very much older. Bart's grandfather was one of the ones that was not very old. He had several strokes until he was pretty much paralyzed on one side and he decided to take his own life. Not very surprising if you know the Peterson men. They are doers, not sitters. Not talkers, not thinkers. Doers. It wasn't until just a few years ago that we found out about the suicide. Just our little family and Bart's dad was at the cemetary on Memorial Day and Bart's dad just started talking. He is the 2nd youngest in the family and was only 9 or 10 when it happened. He told us that there was a gun that resided in the basement of their house that anybody could use to shoot rabbits or birds, etc. but the one rule was that it must be cleaned and put away afterward. Nolan had used the gun and I guess while he was out that day his father killed himself down in the basement. Nolan told us he opened the basement door to return the gun when he was almost physically stopped from going down the stairs. He tried again because he knew he had to get that gun to it's original resting place. The same thing happened again. He said he sat there for half hour before finally laying the gun on the top step and closing the door. His mother eventually was the one who found his father. I don't know if I was more amazed that his father told us that story or that it happened.
However, I digress. Amra is doing better but she does have another blood clot/residue of the first blood clot showing up in the post surgery MRI. They are hoping to dissolve it with blood thinners rather than another surgery. Any prayers are appreciated.

My thought for the day during staff meeting

Incompetence is the ugliest, nastiest thing right next to the smell of the desperation and fear coming from the clawing and scrabbling around to make sure nobody finds out what didn't get done or get done right.

Feelings aside.......

FACT 1: Bart has decided to get a vasectomy. He has actually scheduled his surgery for Friday. This Friday. 3 days from today Friday. 72 hours from now Friday. He has been talking about getting this done for a couple of years now. One of his very good friends bit the bullet and had it done and survived so Bart decided it was an option in his life. I have encouraged him that he should share in the burden of child related pain, however, I secretly smiled as the months waxed and waned and there were no further steps taken.

FACT 2: Cooper is now 4 years old. He is no longer a baby. He will be 5 years old in June. He will be going to kindergarten next September. I have made it. I will have survived the pre-school years 3 times over. Where is my trophy?

FACT 3: Some part of me wants another baby. What percentage of me, you ask, wants another baby? I don’t know. I have been a mother for so long and used them for an excuse not to be a real person for so long I don’t know. I know that will not change with a new baby. I will go right back into my mothering mode. I also know that I LOVED being pregnant with Cooper, I LOVED having an infant, I LOVED spending money on baby things, I LOVED having a 2 year old. I LOVED having a soul around that I could shower unconditional love on. I am still biased towards my older kids but it is no longer unconditional.

FACT 4: Bart and I get pregnant with a sidelong glance. We have glasses with plastic siders to prevent such a thing from happening too often. Hee-hee. I have been living on this knowledge thinking that if I decide I have to have a baby I can get it to happen in just one occurrence. Why do I think this? Ryan was a condom baby, Chase was a birth control baby and Cooper was a first-time-we-decided-to-try-and-have-a-baby baby.

FACT 5: A man must have at least 20+ ejaculations after the vasectomy in order to remove all sperm from his testes. Most doctors will not even see you for a “sampling” for at least 8 to 12 weeks after the surgery.

FACT 6, 7 and 8: I still work full time. Ryan is 12 years old already. If it isn’t already obvious with the scheduled surgery, Bart would rather I not have another child.

FACT 9: I have to make a decision before it is made for me.

A Million Miles an Hour

Whew! Whew! Whew!

Thursday night we got a call from Bart’s mom saying that Bart’s sister, Amra, had had a seizure and was up at LDS hospital with a brain tumor. Yup, that is right. I have almost survived a full week of work Ready to see the end of the tunnel and launch myself into the weekend and did we hear you right?!!? Amra is 25 years old. She has had somewhat of a chemically dependent life but still……nobody really expects a call like this. You can’t live a life expecting to get a call like this.
We proceeded to farm our kids out and go up to the hospital. I have to “give props” to LDS hospital. It truly is a nice hospital. It feels……hopeful. It feels…..pulsing with energy. That is a good feeling when you are facing death. Amra was very, very sedated and we learned that she had complained to her boyfriend that her left hand was numb and she couldn’t move it and then she had collapsed into a seizure. After having a similar reaction at being alone with a seizure victim, Jim, her boyfriend, called 911 and got her taken up to the hospital. She then proceeded to have several more seizures in the hospital before they got her medicated. The MRI revealed that she had a mass in her brain. The doctor wanted to get another doctor’s assessment before they removed the mass. Waiting. Waiting until Friday. Friday morning brought more waiting. The doctors both decided that her brain was too traumatized, too nutritionally starved to do invasive surgery. It could wait for a couple of weeks until her brain returned to a more normal state. I didn’t envy her having to think about brain surgery for a week or two.
However, that was not to be. Amra had lost the use and feeling of her left arm and some of her left leg from the seizure. This was according to the doctors. When she did not start regaining that usage back they became more concerned and did another MRI. Friday afternoon after Ryan’s soccer game, we were informed that Amra was in emergency surgery. Her mass was hemorrhaging. They could not afford to wait.
2 a.m. Saturday morning the surgery was finished. Now we were informed that there had been no mass. She had had a blood vessel closure in her brain. They now called it a hemorrhaging stroke. The surgery alleviated the pressure and resumed blood flow but some brain tissue had already died. Those dead tissues would be irrevocably dead. Whatever motor skills, feelings, nerve endings those tissues were attached to would not come back to Amra.
So we are waiting again. To see what comes back on her left side. She is walking now. (Yea!) And also to see what the doctors can do to make sure this doesn’t happen again. They are blaming it on her birth control medicine and dehydration. That makes all us women sit up and pay attention, doesn’t it? Remember all of those little fine print side effects that nobody pays attention to?
During the “oh-she-has-a-mass” diagnosis period of the weekend, I thought I was going to spend this week fighting with my primary care physician to get MRIs for all my children. Now I am just making sure that all my children drink 8 glasses of water each day and getting rid of all medications in our house. We will be using herbs and nature derived potions from now on.