Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Our anniversary

On July 30th it will be B and K's anniversary. We will accept any gifts that come our way as we think that staying married for any amount of time warrants presents of any kind. ---Don't tell B but I got him tickets for the Brooks and Dunn concert here on October 8th. So, we will have to stay married at least until then.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Marriage

Here is what I think about marriage.....whether you wanted to know or not. And this is probably what I am going to tell my kids when they ask me about marriage. They probably won't believe me because I don't know if I would've believed my mom. Not that I think that I archived anything my mom told me about marriage as something I should remember. Was that because she knew kids don't understand and so she didn't waste her breath? Or was it because she just didn't share those things with her kids?

Anyways, I think that you have to be committed to the "being" of marriage. You can think that you are committed to the person that you are getting married to but inevitably those feelings of commitment to that person will not be there one day and may not reappear for a week, a month, a decade. If all you are is committed to is that person, your marriage can be over in that short week of non lovingness. And believe me, that non lovingness (could also be called annoying the shit out of you) will happen. However, if you and your partner are committed to the "being" of marriage you can weather those non lovingness feelings and go on with being married. Marriage is a shelter for kids, for families, for relationships (that wax and wane, because they all do) and for life's experiences. I am often struck by the stories of kids preferring to go back to their abusive or neglectful families rather than stay in safe houses. Not only do I think that "familial love and attachment" is natural but I think that stability is one of the most important things that we can give to one another. Of course, I would say that about children in the home but I also gain a strong sense of security from Bart's perpetual non guilty and optimistic personality. I feel distinctly uncomfortable when he displays long periods of moodiness. Now I have known him for 13 years now. If he had exhibited frequent moodiness during this time I wouldn't have problems with it but I have come to know him for not being moody and it gives me comfort to depend on his personality staying the same day after day.

So, I hope I can convey any of this to my kids before they get married. I do think that them seeing fights and arguments between parents can help them to realize that it is not a daytime soap opera love affair for 50 years. I also realize that it takes two of you to be committed to the marriage for it to continue to be. I have a boss that has been separated from his wife for like 15 years but has not gotten a divorce. They still share a house payment for a house where she resides in Arizona with their two daughters. He lives here in Utah but he flies to Arizona almost every weekend and cuts the grass and walks the dogs. He says he just can't live with her. Is that being committed to the marriage? A question I will have to think on.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

harry potter

Well, I finished the 6th book. And there is nobody to talk about it with. Everybody is either just starting or finishing up 5. Granted, nobody has had a route this week and listened to it on CD while they were driving around the avenues at 4 in the morning.

J K Rowling is a very good writer. This book was so good. I loved how she spent a lot of time on the daily going ons at Hogwarts and what lovestruck 16 year olds are doing. After I was finished the with book, I appreciated it even more as it will be the last of the Hogwarts chapters. Well, if the 7th book goes on from what the 6th book says Harry is going to do. I was amazed at how she inserted this whole new "realm" of dark magic into the 6th book of the series and worked it in so well that I immediately allowed it into my paradigm of the wizarding world. She is doing a great job at tying up all her ends and explaining Lord Voldemort and his power. He was so elusive and beyond reason in the first two books I thought. I mean, he was attached to somebody's head, for crying out loud.

And yes, somebody important does die. And I cried. But I think it was mostly for the end of the book and the end of the Hogwarts era and the people that were left behind. We all thought that Harry had to grow up so much in the earlier books but now......I can't even imagine the 7th book. And I can't imagine how Alan Rickman is going to change his way of playing Snape now that he reads the 6th book. Snape is such a prat!

Yes, Bart laughs at me. How all these characters become something more to me than real life people. My gosh, Monica and Rachel and Chandler were part of our family for years. Still are, really. And I guess, judging by book sales that Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are part of most everyone's family. What an amazing thing for JK Rowling to have created them. The writer in me bows down before her in awe. As well as Diane Gabaldon.

But back to Harry......I am so sad that the next book is the last. I almost don't want it to come. And at the same time, J K Rowling is going to have to get the 7th book out soon as the 6th ends so precariously. Will she make us wait another year?!?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

What I got up for today

Slurpees make the day better at least for 5 minutes.

I highly recommend the Crystal Light version.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

where have i been?

I have just been reading some other bloggers pages and I am amazed! Blogging is big! It is massive! I love words and what they can convey. I love the tone in people's writings. I love the whole messed up world of communication. I know that any writing is only perception of what happened and that each event could be written about 4,276 different ways. I know that even if I continue writing this online journal it will only be half of what really happened because R, C, C and B will not agree with me on most of it. But since I will have the only journal and the only written version of our history I will be the one to document our life. It just is so hard. I get so frusterated with the lack of content in the Harry Potter movies simply for the lack of time that they have. Sometimes I feel that way with a journal. I get frusterated in not being able to explain/document/illustrate the whole event. And I think it is not worth it even to try. But then I read some of these other blogs and I don't know the half of their life and it still conveys something to me. Even if it is just grit enough to continue writing, reading, being a mom, trying to exercise, living a life that you can hang your hat on--(Brooks and Dunn) There is something to knowing other people are out there doing the same thing that you are doing. And this makes it so much more possible to find these people. Or just even know about them. I remember at Wray's funeral how sad that I was that one of "us" would not be out there in the world fighting, living, taking what was his, laughing and seeing the good in other people. Him being out there--even if it was away from me--gave me strength. I don't want to spend my whole day reading blogs but just knowing that they are out there gives me strength.

Isn't technology great? And I haven't even started talking about ipods yet.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Our backyard is the bomb!




What I See


So after many hours, ok, minutes trying to figure out a picture for my profile I came up with this one. It is truly recent--try yesturday. 7/10/2005. However, now I can't figure out how to attach it to my profile so I thought I would just post it.

I love my bangs.
I hate the size of my facial pores.
I love my eyelashes.
I hate my allergies.
I think my brain has potential.
I think my body is not living up to it's potential due to the fault of the mouth.

My youngest is four. I think that it is actually time to start thinking of myself as an individual again and not just a mother. Sometimes it is more terrifying to be responsible to remake me back into an interesting stand alone-say nothing of sexy- individual than it is to continue to be a good and dedicated mother of three.

I have to figure out if that is the reason I want to have another baby or if I really want to have another baby to have another baby.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Cooper, the 4 year old adult

While we were up in Montana and eating breakfast one morning Cooper made a funny. Kyle was sitting in the sitting room off of the kitchen/eating area. Cooper went over and sat down by him. Cooper, who is shy around strangers, looked at him and said "Sometimes it is good to just be alone, isn't it?" Kyle agreed with him and there they sat.
Then Cooper said to him "I can show you a better way to be alone." And then he proceeded to get under the coffee table and beckoned toKyle to come sit with him.

............And Bart wonders why I want to have another child.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

4th of July weekend

We just returned from our 4th of July weekend. We were able to go up to Cindy's dad's house in Dearborn Montana right on the Missouri River. It was so much fun!! It was so gorgeous!! I love love love vacations when you don't look at a clock. We did have to sleep in a tent but it was wonderfully chilly and we all have good sleeping bags and they did allow us inside the house to shower and such so it was the good kind of camping. There was actually 19 people, 2 dogs, 2 rabbits and 1 hamster habitating with us this weekend. Just some of the highlights were:
  • floating down the river in float tubes
  • finding a waterfall we could hike to
  • riding the four wheelers around
  • eating 17 s'mores
  • eating 17 soft serve ice cream cones that came from the soft serve ice cream machine that resides in their garage
  • seeing 17 deer close enough to see the whites of their eyes
  • watching the 4th of July parade in Great Falls Montana and seeing the 17 Lewis and Clark lookalikes in the parades
  • lighting fireworks 3 nights over the river so with the reflection we could say we got 6 damn good firework shows
  • Chase and Braxton only getting road rash from their dirt bike crashes when it could have been a lot worse

It was a 7 1/2 hour drive up there but it was worth it. I loved every minute of it. Thanks Cindy and Brian for inviting us. Thank you Betsy and Kyle for everything.