Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Firsts and Lasts

Even Bart knew that we had an important moment this weekend. It was one of the last firsts of childhood that we will ever have again. I mean, we still have all kinds of new firsts coming. I mean we have had the first failed class, the first boyfriend, the first purple hairdo already. Some up and coming firsts I dread are still to come: first kisses, first staying out past curfew, first driving lesson and first school dance. Please, please, please let there be no first matching date shirts in my future. And if there is that first, let it be the last as well.
I was very bad at keeping track of all the childhood firsts. I didn't have one of those calendars that I wrote down the first tooth, the first word, the first step of any of my children. And I feel a little guilty for that. But I do have documented evidence of another important first for all three of the kids. I do have pictures of every single one of my children learning how to ride a two wheeler.
I was a little seifish with Cooper. He very well could've been two wheeling it last year but he was so into his scooter and I really didn't want this new phase of grownup hood to happen that soon so I put it off. Bart took off his training wheels off his orange bike and didn't even get to run beside him to get him going. He just took off. No hands, figure 8s, standing up and definately not looking for cars. He has it all down pat.
I think we are officially out of the baby stage of our lives. And so if you see me riding my bike behind a 5 year old Lance Armstrong and the wind is making my eyes water, it might not be the wind so much.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

If Then Statements and then some more ifs

If you fall asleep first at the sleepover, then you will look like this for the rest of the weekend.


If it becomes Spring, then you can be sure this will show up in your backyard if you are married to Bart.





If you don't bring your children, then 300 is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time.



If I could get the computer out of the children's hands, then I might post a little more.



If you like the color green, then you are invited to visit the newly redesigned Ryan's room if you wear sunglasses.






If anybody knows why the worker bees are all leaving their queens and their hives in at least 21 states of this country, then I would like an jingle. I am a little concerned. Dont you think that is a little weird? And there is no bodies anywhere either to suggest that they have died. That is millions and millions of bees that are time traveling? using invisible cloaks? starting an all male hive somewhere in San Francisco?

Monday, March 19, 2007

Catching You Up

I have never been really good at discerning answers. I have a couple of times when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had recieved an answer. I am definately one of those who believes that God gave us a mind for a reason and we need to use it to come up with some of our own answers. That self sufficiency may have some negative influence on the amount of faith that I show when seeking answers. Could be.

However, over the past couple of months there have been two distinct answers that have come that have not only flabbergasted me but humbled me as well.

One came to Bart. He is such a religious conundrum. He only goes to sacrament meeting and then takes off. Football, work, sickness, boredom are all reasons that he cites. He did accept a calling in Scouts and goes faithfully but one could argue correctly that the job is not really a religious one. Mealtime prayers are completely done out of habit and we are having an awful hard time instigating sincere family prayer as well. But when push comes to shove, Bart does turn to God which I find fascinating on so many levels.

We have been talking about going to Boise for this new job oppurtunity. It has been serious talk. Bart has gone up there to see how things are. We have been doing research. It was pretty much looking like we would end up there. Until Bart called me one Monday morning and said, "Well, I prayed about Boise in church yesturday and I got an answer. It wasn't the one that I wanted but we aren't going to Boise, I guess."

Bart praying? Not going? Because of an answer given by God?

I still am flabbergasted that an answer came and it was not only understandable but was also so immediate. And that is was instigated without question. Was the answer so important to our family destiny? Regardless of my muddled musings about this, Boise has not been a topic of discussion since that day. And I am ok with that.

Maybe because this last winter has been an awfully hard time for me personally. There has literally been no joy in my existence. And not because of my external environment. I was definately on a downward spiral. I am not a cryer but I had even begun having crying jags. One Saturday I was beside myself and decided to take Friday for a walk to get out of the house. It was cold and dark and wet and nobody else was out. We walked all the way to the elementary school about a mile away and then we just sat in the field. And as I sat there just babbling aloud and crying about how bad I felt, I too got an answer. It was not the answer I wanted but there was so much in this particular answer beside the message.
It was acknowledgement.
It was evidence of the higher power.
It gave me a direction to go in.
The message was simple. "I'm not going to take this away from you, Kim." 8 words. 8 words that I didn't want to hear. But 8 words that made me realize I can't wait this away. I can't deny it any longer. I have to do something. I am a denial junkie. I am a wait-to-see-what-happens girl. This time I know I can not continue to do that. This time I had to look myself up and down and make some choices. So, yes, I am on new medication. I have consistently taken it and I have consistently been making daily analysis on if it is working.

Essentially, Boise we are no longer talking about. Medication, let the discussions begin.

Now with the weather turning, I can't even tell you the difference that it has made. Oh, how I love the sun. (I think I may dress up like a sunspot for Halloween this year.) And it would be so easy to let this all settle down under the rug again until next winter but I can't. Because of the answer. Even if it wasn't the answer I wanted to hear.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Message in a blogtle


I know. I know. The title is as corny as it gets. But I love it!!!
And I did it. I got tickets for the Police. 2 tickets which is really all I need. Or can afford. I am beyond excited. I really am. I will hold it in for a little while considering that the concert is not until June 15. It is in Las Vegas, Nevada at the MGM Grand. Yes, 16,000 other fans will be there with me as we croon along with Sting to "Can't Stand Losing You", "So Lonely", "Walking on the Moon", and "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic."
I mean, look at that picture. Look at them. Would it matter to you that the seats are not next to each other? Because Bart seems to think that is a minor problem. I don't. I was happy to get floor seats after 15 minutes of being on the phone. The freaking concert sold out in 15 minutes. I may have to sit on Bart's shoulders or something so he is not all alone in a crowd of Sting lovers. That may entail me to have to lose some weight before the concert. I told Raquel the thought intrigued me to try and weigh the same amount that I did when they actually were the soundtrack to my life before.
Hmmmmm.......The Police. They do a body good.

Monday, March 12, 2007

I'm back

Ok. Ok. I'm back.

I mean, I never really went anywhere but for some reason the past few months I have found it hard to press the publish button. I think I sortof wanted some kind of great big 2007 beginning of the new year post and then when that didn't come I just let procrastination get in the way. And some other little things. I realized that I hadn't taken one picture either so the documentation of my life just came to a complete stand still. So, here I go again. For better or worse. It is a little like ripping off a bandaid. Just fast and immediate so that the pain is quick and short. Nothing really much on this post. But if you come back.....there are things still to say.

And I promise I will say them even if nobody helps me to turn my blog background to yellow.