December 25

So I was born on Christmas Day. Along with Annie Lennox, Sissy Spacek and Jimmy Buffett. And my sister in law. And Jesus. But this season I was reminded of another wonderful Christmas story.

December 23, 1776 Thomas Paine wrote these words: THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated. Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to TAX) but "to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER" and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is impious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.

George Washington with his small leftovers of an army was sitting in Valley Forge when Thomas Paine came to see the soldiers. The British should’ve come and decimated the sickly army in Valley Forge but they didn’t. They knew that all of the soldier’s drafts ended on December 31st so they thought they would wait it out. Instead Washington was inspired by Paine’s words to cross the Delaware on December 25th and defeat the Hessian troops residing in Trenton. During this battle, Washington did not lose one man.

I LOVE THIS. I love the words that Thomas Paine wrote. I love how they can bring a lump to one’s throat. I love that words can inspire. I love that Thomas Paine and George Washington were men of God. I love that God was completely involved in our war for freedom. I love that I was reminded of how cherished our freedom is and should be. I love that the reminder came on Christmas. It was the best present I received.

The Attitude started early

Ryan is 12 now. And already she is a black belt in eye rolling. She knows just how to make the most of the silent burn that starts as I watch her eyeballs roll away from their optical windows and laugh at me behind the still open lids.

When Ryan was 2, Bart started a 7 day on and 7 day off job. He began to share in the primary caregiving. Cough. Cough. Promptly Ryan figured out that Daddy had no problem giving out candy instead of meals. Daddy had no problem watching Lion King ALL day long instead of limiting it to one viewing and then going outside or setting up a play date. Daddy was the smack! Daddy didn’t blow noses with a tissue. He used a shirt sleeve.
Being a new mother, I did not appreciate Bart’s usurping the of the mother/child bond. (By the third child, I made sure that Bart’s side of the bed is the closest to the door.) I was miffed at the “misplaced” affection that Ryan had for Bart. One day we were all headed out the door for somewhere and the dialogue went exactly like this:
“Ryan, are you Daddy’s girl?” Bart is a rub in your face kind of guy.
“Yes, Daddy.”
Ryan, are you Mommy’s girl?” I asked.
“No.”
“You know, you could be both a Mommy AND Daddy’s girl. Can you be a Mommy AND Daddy’s girl?”
“I can.........…..but I am NOT!”
Bart kept us apart for days after.

Merry Birthday and Happy Christmas

My coworker's birthday was yesterday. Do you think anyone remembered? Hell, no. It is December.
My sister's birthday is today. Happy sweet 35, sis! I mean, 29!
My brother in law's birthday is December 23rd. Husband to above sister.
My birthday AND my sister in law's birthday is December 25th. Yes, THE DAY OF. I have gone through my whole life sharing it with Jesus and then I have to marry into a family where the spoiled baby girl has to share my birthday as well. And now as I get older and wiser and wrinklier I don't want to even think about it but we must celebrate her birthday so we must acknowledge Kim's birthday as well.

This is how much I don't think about my birthday. Probably one of the best birthdays I have had was a surprise. My mother called and PRE planned a Christmas shopping trip about 2 years ago. I thought she was being quite on the ball. She came and picked me up and we proceeded down to Gardner's Village. A place where you don't shop with children. My sister on foot met the car in the parking lot which I thought was odd but oh well. (She was the lookout for all of you that are as naive as I) She vanished while we were parking our car. We then proceeded into the main store there at the Old Mill. I was astonished to see one of my good friends there shopping.
"Carol! What are you doing here?!? Are you Christmas shopping too?"
We chatted for a few minutes and then I was ready to head off with my mom who I had made plans with. Carol just sortof followed me to the next area of the store where I saw another one of my good friends.
"Michelle! Ohmigosh! I can't believe it! What are you doing here? This is Carol, a friend I just bumped into to as well. This is crazy!" I was still oblivious to the plan until yet another friend popped up on the horizon.
I, of course, could not have made myself look any stupider or put on a better show.
"Heidi! How can this be!!!! How can you all be here at the same time? Mom, look at this. Look who is here?!?!"
By now they are just all looking at me with sympathetic grins on their face that this poor woman that they call friend cannot figure out a simple little surprise birthday dinner get together for her. But it was a surprise. And it was fun. And secretly I wish they would do it again for me..........Or maybe I will do it for Bart for his birthday this next year.

Concerts, part 2

I really have had some swinging times, I promise. Here is the working list of concerts that I have attended that I can remember:
Fine Young Cannibals Hey, they are really good despite their name.
Madonna Borderline
Madonna Like a Virgin
Sting Dream of the Blue Turtles
Sting Fields of Gold
The Cure Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me
The Cure Boys Don’t Cry
UB40
Gene Loves Jezebel
Echo and the Bunnymen
Beautiful South
Bryan Adams Cuts Like a Knife
Beach Boys 4th of July Washington DC Mall Free Concert
Foreigner Agent Provocateur
Chicago Chicago 17
Howard Jones Acoustic
Howard Jones What is Love?
B-52s
Air Supply
Barry Manilow
Depeche Mode Black Celebration
Dead or Alive
Hall and Oates
Edie Brickell and the Bohemians Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars

I am going home to open my journals because I have kept a lot of ticket stubs to these events and I am sure I am missing some. I know that I have an unused ticket to The Cars which is devastating to me. However, if I had to choose one concert to go to in the whole world it would be the Police. One of the top regrets of my life is that I missed one of their shows.

Past 10 year concerts
Kurt Bestor
Toby Keith
Brooks and Dunn
U2

My Apologies, O Concert God

This year I have gone to see Toby Keith, Brooks and Dunn and U2 in concert. Yes, tonight I went to see Bono in action. It was sheer luck. Sheer good luck. My friend, Shalene, works in a neurosurgeon’s office. One of the 5 neurosurgeons is a major concert goer. He was on the front row but he raffled off two pairs of additional tickets to U2 for the office staff. Pretty impressive when the concert tickets went on sale 9 months ago AND sold out in 40 minutes AND were priced starting at $100 a seat. Shalene did not win them but the woman that did had a migraine and so could not go. Shalene’s husband was working and could not go so hence, I was the stand in date.

I have been to quite a few concerts in my life and I am well versed in concert etiquette. The first and most important rule is that you must know all of the songs of the artist that you are going to see. At least of the album that they are touring for. You must spend at least as many hours as dollars paid for the ticket to research and learn lyrics and melodies and names. It is only then that you get the most out of the night of revelry and music making. I was not able to follow this rule for U2. I didn’t even have enough time to listen to one rehearsal song on Saturday. And I feel really bad. I could tell that I could have had a little better time had I known all the lyrics and was able to sing along to every last little song. I could tell that I could have had a little better time if I had some concert clothes hanging up in my closet that I could have pulled out to make me feel a little more “with it.” I told Shalene I wanted something with sequins but she said I was too young and I needed to be more like 50 to wear sequins. Is that true? With Toby and Brooks and Dunn, I wore my cowboy boots and belt buckle so I felt dressed to go out and a little sassy. (Can you tell most of my wardrobe is: sensible, designed for warmth and hiding garments and an occasional fat roll, boring?)

Bono was very cute. He looked like Captain Jack Sparrow and he danced like Willy Wonka. And do you know what? I would pay more than $100 to see Johnny Depp. A lot more.

It's really the hibernating part

It is so cold and I wish that I was a bear so I could
1) already be deep in hibernation or
2) just settling down for a long winter's nap
3) own a fur coat without all the hoopla about animal rights and all
4) not have one iota of an idea about Christmas and presents and wrapping paper
5) have a friend named BooBoo
6) have even a little tiny chance of being able to bite a hunter in the ass
7) never have to pay for a Yellowstone Park entrance pass again

Right in time for Christmas

The Beast is back. I have been putting off this post since Saturday. Sometimes I feel like this is my true inner self. The part of me that I hide from everybody because it is just for me. But then I think I don’t want this to be the part of me I keep just for myself. But I recognize this place that I am. It actually feels comfortable because it has been here and creeping around my edges for so long. The terror that is associated with it comes only when trying to figure out how long it will stay this time. I was nearly hysterical Saturday and Sunday. I have since calmed down somewhat but the blah remains.
Rationally I am fascinated with it. I recognize (mostly with hindsight) triggers and spirals. Like this weekend, we actually had an unstructured Saturday with nothing planned. It should have been nice. We had had something every single night of the week. However, no structure “frightens” me. I can’t handle it. Maybe because you want to lay down and go to sleep but that wouldn’t be appropriate and you can’t make your whole family lay down with you so it you can’t relax while you lay down anyhow but yet you have nothing you have to do and you can’t make yourself start another project. Hmmmm……obviously I don’t know yet what exactly about no structure time frightens me but it is a big trigger. It is a consistent trigger. I hate that it happens on weekends when you should be able to savor the unstructured of life.

I feel a little like the encephalitis patients in Oliver Sacks’ book called Awakenings. Remember the movie with Robin Williams. The patients would remain in a trance until a ball was thrown at them. The object caused them to reach out of their “state” and catch it in midair. As long as balls are being thrown at me I catch them and throw them back. I “borrow” their energy to do something. When the ball is no longer being thrown to me, I will enter my state and remain immobile and useless…..and joyless. I am dependent on that ball. And I am not in control of that ball. And that causes great terror and anxiety. The Beast.

Brrring!

I have 3 messages on my cell phone I need to listen to. I abhor the cell phone. I abhor mine. I abhor Bart's two cell phones. That is right, folks. My man cannot get by on 3000 minutes a month and so must have two cell phones with 3000 minutes each to live 30 days. I do have to admit that my phone is the one charging next to our bed in our bedroom turned on for nighttime emergencies. But his is the one that consistently goes off between 6 and 7 am in the morning to start the day. Who needs an alarm clock?
Chase's newest hobby is changing my ring tone. I will be sitting in a meeting or in a store talking with someone completely oblivious to my phone ringing simply because that is not the ring that I installed two weeks ago. It is an entirely new one. Thank goodness he or I do not know how to download rings as of yet. Give him time. He is only 10.
I have found one awesome use for my phone in the past few months though. We had a short little power shortage at our house the other day. Does it surprise you that there were no working flashlights to be found? Or was it just that all the batteries had been used in remotes, game boys, etc? Anyways, the light from our 3 cell phones worked incredibly well to get around in our dark house. They are bright! In fact, I have been using it when I walk through the house at night after all the kids are in bed and I don't want to turn on any lights. A new something to add to the 72 hour kits.

A picture is worth 1000 words so this is a long post

The zoo was real fun this year. It was beautiful weather and the baby orangutang was out in the yard playing with her surrogate mothers. She made me want to have another baby she was SO cute.
These are the last pictures I downloaded off my camera before it was declared officially missing. I can't decide whether to be devastated (I lost the last football game pictures) or excited about getting a new upgraded one for Christmas.