I believe

More than 7 days have gone by without a post. Am I getting bored of blogging? Have I satisfied my writing craving? Because I certainly did not go on far away vacation without any internet access or been in a life threatening accident and spent unconscious days in the ICU. I have been composing posts in my mind but they haven't made it to the computer. Does that count? Hardly.
I think that I still view writing as a craft rather than just a way of communicating. So, it is not ok for a post to simply communicate but it must be perfect. I haven't had time to be perfect so I have remained silent. I don't know if that is good or bad. See, even now I am debating that if I will put this one in because technically, what is this all about?

Today at church a man talked about his friend that had committed suicide 20 years ago. He said that the Lord came to him one day while he was working and whispered to him that his friend's temple work needed to be done. In my church, we believe that there must be certain rituals taken care of on this earth for one to progress to the highest echelons of heaven. There is also talk that suicide is some sort of murder and murder, I believe has always excluded one from the highest of high level of exaltation in all of christianity.
I made a friend when I was a missionary in Thailand. His name was Sheldon Wray from Burley Idaho. We were Bangkok together for about 6 months until we were both sent upcountry to other districts. He was a worker who believed in working hard and playing hard. I loved him. I respected him. I enjoyed him. I thought he was going to come home from Thailand and take the world by storm. I thought that he would continue to fight and win against the agnst and I took strength from that. But he didn't choose to do that. For some unknown reason to me who thought I knew him, he came home and a little more than a month later he put a bullet through his head. Wray was completely stubborn and truly, I have believed and will continue to believe that his little bulldog personality would somehow get him through St. Peter's gate and up onto the highest cloud and if he desires, the Lord's new righthand man. I just know that. I just KNOW that. I know that Wray will not sit for something less. I see his suicide as a dumb knee jerk action but an action none the less. He was not one to sit around and do nothing. He was an action man. And when I went to his funeral I just had to accept that fact that once again I had deviated from the accepted tenets and doctrines of my church. I accept that calmly. I have had to do that before but that is another long post. I believe more in my relationship with the Lord and the understandings that we have created than in the organized religion that is run by humans.
However, today in church when I heard that story I was strengthened in my beliefs. Today in the organized religion setting I felt joy as I thought of Wray still progressing-perhaps not the way I wanted to see it happen-and fighting the war. And it made me believe in God and that He loves us all the more.