Monday, February 13, 2006
w.w.w. and w. (for sp00kalot)
I feel like something is supposed to happen in the big picture of my life. So here I am waiting. Watching. Wondering. And whining. But then I get mad at myself because maybe I am not supposed to be waiting. Watching. Wondering. And whining. Maybe I am supposed to make something happen. Maybe I am supposed to quit my job without knowing where the insurance will come from, without the security of my paycheck, without the security of having somewhere to go every day. Maybe I am supposed to drive up to Idaho and buy $100 worth of lottery tickets. Maybe I am supposed to start writing a book. Maybe we are supposed to put our house up for sale and move to Richfield. Maybe I am just supposed to learn patience and gratitude and be happy where I am at. Maybe a leap of faith is required of me. My belief in fate and kharma and my belief in being self sufficient and doing all you can do directly oppose each other. Last night I almost had an imploding panic attack trying to read all my feelings to see if there was something I should be doing. I waited. I watched. I wondered. I listened. But nothing EXCEPT a feeling that something was supposed to happen. I finally decided that until I knew what this something was supposed to look like, there was nothing I could do but wait, wonder......and watch American Idol tonight.
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4 comments:
Maybe U R not S 2 D anything - Who says what is required of us anyway? Maybe, U R only S 2 D what makes U happy ;) What makes you happy? Do that. In the meantime, I'll be the person next to you having anxiety about all this.
I love that my best friend from college is dedicating posts to my sister-in-law. My new tagline is going to be, "Bringing my world together, one blog at a time."
Well, you feel exactly the way I felt both before I got divorced and before I left my job. And my life got so much better when I just did something. Not to say that I didn't spend a little time right after I did both things curled up in a fetal position, having a panic attack-- but ultimately, my life is just so much better.
So maybe what you need is to just do SOMETHING different. But I believe that we are all entitled to take steps to make ourselves happier. This is the only life we have. Don't waste anymore of it than you have to.
I had the FORTUNE of being forced to do something different and I couldn't be happier. I was too big of a chicken shit to do what I KNEW I should do 10 years ago. YMMV. Good luck. Grab your hubby and lets go to dinner.
I want to read Brett's blog. Are you married to Carol?
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