The Monica Geller Confession

You may not remember it by name but you will remember it. You must. Hasn’t everyone seen every single Friend’s episode at least 20 gazillion times now that it is on TNT or Life or something? For those of you that forgot the name, it is: The One with the Chicken Pox Episode #47. That doesn’t give it away. The main plot of the episode was Charlie Sheen coming home from military leave to spend it with Phoebe and then the both of them getting chicken pox. However, it is the subplot that caught my attention. Monica is hot and heavy with Richard (Tom Selluck) at this point and she is very upset that Richard does not have a “thing.” He eventually comes up with something that satisfies her. I think it is that he has to sleep on the east side of the bed. I don’t remember.
The other night I was getting into bed and I was struck with the magnitude and the multiplicity of my “things.” I become Monica Geller before I get into bed. I become worse than Monica Geller. There is a definite routine that must be followed or else I can not relax, let alone sleep. In fact, I was not getting into bed when I had this epiphany. I realized how freaky I was when I actually was in bed and because one of the steps had been overlooked I knew I could not sleep and had to get up and rectify things. Here is my list:

Tissue box is wedged between my bed and the nightstand and must be checked to make sure there are tissues in it.
New water glass must be filled with water and ice--old water glass must be in the kitchen. There cannot be two waterglasses on my nightstand.
Bedroom window must be open a crack, blinds must be shut turned up, not down.
Sheets must be tucked in at the bottom of the bed and blankets spread the right way across the bed.
My blue body pillow must be in reaching range.
Socks must be on my feet, regardless of anything else.

I am not sure that any of my “things” are the real freaky part of this nighttime ritual, it is the absolute necessity that I have for all this to be done before I get into bed and relax. Now that I have written this down, I wish that I had something more heartwarming like saying prayer or kissing my deceased Grandpa’s picture or the Walton’s goodnight shoutout on my list but it would be untrue. Maybe I can try to work it into the routine. I’ll let you know.