The real post is in the parenthesis

I feel like I am blogging like I am living my life right now. There is so many things to blog about. Posts buzz around in my head at all times. I conjure titles at every turn. But then when I get down to the nuts and bolts of writing the whole thing, my determination, my will power deserts me. Or maybe there are too many distractions and so it is just easier not to try and focus on something I want to do. On a larger scale, I wake up every morning with tens of things on my plate. And at the end of the night there they are again. Right there on the plate next to the steak and the nachos I had for dinner. Maybe I move them under that last bite of pecan pie or the melted puddle of ice cream so they are not so obvious at the end of the day. I cannot kick start myself into doing a whole lot of work on my goals. My energy is diffused into the three children's activities. (Lately, well, yesturday, I was told I was a good mother but lacking on the wife skills. And I can agree with that. That in a nutshell is why I didn't want to have kids in the first place. Ever. I recognized that I would morph into a mother and I didn't want that. I didn't want to lose Kim. But Kim will always come second to the kids--at least, until they are older and probably out of the house and that technically means that Bart will come second as well. Rationally, I know that is wrong. I think that is where a lot of the work to make a marriage strong comes in. It is a relationship that can be put on the back burner quite easily. And I can live with it on the back burner for quite a while. But even I have to admit that I am lacking in adult conversation and adult mentality on most days due to the large presence of children in my summer life. For some reason, I cannot come to an agreement with the two entities. It is either one or the other that wins and lives the day. That is ok except a lot of my self satisfaction is based on accomplishments and finishing lists. Mother lives are frusterating because you do know you are doing what is right being there for the kids. You want to be there for the kids. You enjoy being there for the kids. But you still want to go dancing for yourself. And most of the time, you just don't have the energy for it at the end of the day/week. Or you don't have friends that want to go dancing or the friends are needed to be mom at the time that you yourself can go dancing. Or hell, you just want to finish a project you started two months ago. Or a conversation. Hmmmm....
And then there is that amazing bit of human nature that comes into play when the new full time mother is capable and available. The father's human nature is to suddenly stop doing any little bit they were pitching in before the aforementioned mother quit. They figure they can go back to being simply the breadwinner. Sigh. But that is simply an observation. Or a warm over excuse as to why I don't do anything for me. Not acceptable.
I marvel at the complexity of our familial states.)
Having said all that in parenthesis, I will be diffusing my energy at a soccer tournament that starts today. Going to pack meeting to watch Chase graduate from Webolos into a full fledged boy scout. Planning Chase's birthday party.....you know the one where the 10 year old boys dress up to look like Nacho Libre and go to the theatre to watch the movie. Are you kidding?!??! Probaby going to Richfield or at least, sending Bart and the boys off. Celebrating my mother's birthday. Happy birthday dear mom! And hoping the Bridgette and Mark's baby comes out so we can see a picture.