Happy Belated Birthday Cooper

Cooper turned 5 this week. I can’t even begin to describe how I feel about this child.

All of the sudden, I just started wanting/needing/knowing it was coming: a baby. It is probably one of the most concrete spiritual experiences in my life. I just knew that Cooper was on his way. And it was scary. Our life was getting easier. Chase was already 5 years old. No diapers. No bottles. Full sentences. And there had been too many days of young parenthood that had made me feel isolated, abandoned, lonely and stuck that I had not yet forgotten. On top of that, I was working full time. Who would tend the little latecomer? Those are a lot of rational arguments that this feeling/urge/knowledge was competing with. In addition, there was still another partner that had to consent.
When Bart so easily agreed to my idea of the baby, I again was struck by the universe’s hand in my little life. He knew as well. But then to make sure that we did not ignore our freshly planted convictions, cosmic forces made sure we got pregnant the first time we did not invite birth control to participate. Again, I was given the gift of knowing from the very instant that he was on his way. It was an intense experience in that I still feel the awe 5 years and 9 months later. I am still able to conjure a wonderful memory that Bart shares. It is magical that it can be and it should be love that brings a little human into this life.
I spent the next 9 months praying the same little prayer over and over. Bless me with the courage and strength. Every day. I prayed that when I had to tell my boss that I would be leaving for 16 weeks 8 months before the Olympics would be coming to our town. I prayed that when my single 19 year old sister in law told us that she would be having a baby at the same exact time as us I prayed that when I had to do down newspaper routes for 3 months straight during the pregnancy. I prayed that while I was having trouble breathing not knowing what the future was bringing to me. I was blessed with amazing health. I was blessed with peace and calm. I continued wanting/needing/knowing that the child was coming.
And so when he came I was already absolutely irrevocably in love.

And I still am. He is definitely the baby of our family. He is definitely spoiled. The world revolves around his 5 year old little body. And sometimes it does. My world has moved over on it’s axis to be closer to him. He continues to be a spiritual experience for me because I ENJOY him so much.

Hey! This post is all about me. I thought the birthday post was supposed to be about them. I’d better get to it.

His heart is so pure. Last night when I put him to bed he wanted to tell me three things he was sad about: Jasper, his 5 year old cousin who is currently residing in Italy with his military doctor father. They were such good friends and it breaks my heart not to be able to somehow get them together. Two little boys, two bowl haircuts and two out of the world smiles. I miss that picture too. He wanted to tell me that he was missing Jasper. He was sad about his toy that he has lost and we just haven’t found it yet. And he is sad again about not getting to say goodbye to his other cousins that we saw this weekend. They were camping at Fish Lake this last weekend so we four wheeled over to them and when we left he was not able to look them each in the eye and say goodbye. We were trying to beat the night home so we couldn’t go back. I promised him that we would see them again but apparently, I was told and this is how most parents do it I owe him a dollar every day until he sees them again and gets to say goodbye. He was also sad that he has not seen any dollars from me. I told him that was the 4th thing he was sad about and we were only going to talk about three sad things. Maybe his heart isn’t so pure.
We put him in soccer this past year in Fall. And it shocked us all speechless when the child would not leave us to go out on the field. In his 4 plus years, Cooper has gone to countless soccer games. In fact, he had a pair of soccer cleats when he was 2. He would walk around in Chase and Ryan’s cleats so much that finally Grandma Janet went and found some gently used 2 year old cleats for him. He wore them everywhere. He was going to be a soccer player like his brother and sister Maybe he is already burned out on the sport but there was nothing that could be said, promised, threatened to make him go out on the field and play a game or even practice. It was a horrible weather season. We stood at the edge of soccer fields in rain, snow, wind and hardly any sunshine. It was horrible but I wanted him to see that we still have an obligation to our team even if we didn’t go out and play on the field. Needless to say I didn’t enroll him this spring. I have a feeling that part of his life is over. I feel certain he will be a full fledged player out there this next year although he may be a baseball player much to my dismay and Bart’s joy.
Since he was a little tyke and had enough hair, Cooper has his own calming technique. He runs his fingers up through his hair. You could consistently watch this when he is preparing to go to sleep. You could observe this when he has gotten hurt and needs additional loving. His habit has decreased lately probably because he gets more comfort from conversation and interaction now. However, I still see the fingers now and then and it soothes me as well. This has prevented me from giving him any other haircut other than his bowl cut. Not that I ever would! Never! Ever! Even though Daci, my sister in law and hair clinician, continuously tells me that it isn’t trendy.
Ahhhhh. The little boy has awoken. He has dressed himself in an orange shirt. (what other color?) and apparently we have a date with the Frisbee.