1 week. 7 days. That is all it took. I can’t believe that the plan was put to the test so quickly. I mean, the plan was good. It was a great plan. We had thought about it. It was a plan of action. A work that had vision, scope, depth. It was only for 152 days according to the interim insurance policy that we had to buy for the summer. I was to stay home. Take of the house. The kids. The dog. The neighborhood kids. Bart’s errands.
But then I answered the telephone. I have already had several USA TODAY calls here at home after the final day. I don’t have caller ID but today may have been a clincher. Who do I pay to get that amenity put back on my phone?? I picked up the phone and there was the local paper calling me in for a job interview. I mean, honestly, how nice is it to be wanted? Very nice. I was flattered that they had come after me when they heard I had quit USA TODAY. They bothered enough to find my home phone number and call me up. And quite honestly, between that flattery and being utterly flabbergasted I agreed to come in and talk over a few things with them. Besides, I could hear the pride in Bart’s voice when I told him. He equates most things with compliments from work contacts.
However, I really feel that unless it is some magical job where I don’t have to work and they will still pay me or it has to do with their in house day care system this is not the right thing for me to do. I know that you cannot simply take 5 months and put a house and a family in order and then go back to work and things will just keep running like clockwork. I don’t really expect to be able to see any external visible outcomes of my 5 months at home but I do think that it will produce positive effects in all our lives. I just know that having somebody at home that cares about you and what you are doing is a good thing. It is a hard thing for me as a mother sometimes but there are also precious moments that only come simply because you were there for them. Or you as a mother created them. I think mothers have a lot of control of what kind of moments a family has. I know mothers have a lot of control. My mother taught me that. And now being a mother, it simply rings true as an absolute truth. But it is an active job. It is not just the title that makes those moments.
I stayed home or just worked odd jobs until Chase was 3 years old. Ryan was 5. Bart was traveling quite a bit then so I was a single parent Monday through Friday. I remember a lot of frustration and I will admit that staying home was hard for me. I did not drink in every second of their little lives. I did not enjoy the present as it was then. But I do have a memory that I will cherish for the rest of my life. We lived in a cul de sac off of a dead end street. Although we lived right in town, the other side of the dead end street was probably 10-15acres of wilderness behind a cemetery. Every day we would walk over to “Fern Gully” and play in the creek, make teepees, explore, dig holes and throw rocks. I watched my kids try and climb their first trees. I held their hands while they hopped on rocks to get across the creek. I showed them bugs under a rock and then had to lift up every rock from that day forward. I saw them love nature and play like children without TV or toys with batteries. As I grow older, that memory becomes more and more significant to me. I love the fact that they remember that place as well and I marvel at the simple memories that they deemed important enough to hang onto as they grew older and the world became more logical and less magical. I didn’t have to create that world for them. They would have been just as happy to stay home and watch TV, play in the back yard or play dress up. They wouldn’t have known any better but as a mother I wanted something more for them. For us.
And I think that this summer I want something more for them. For us. Again.